BITD Glossary

Like anything that’s been going on for as long as BITD has, the show has generated its own patois. In every episode, Tom and Derrick frequently use phrases and words that may sound weird or peculiar…so this page is designed to explain it all to you!

At Least It Got Made: The way many people rationalize supporting a film based on a character they like even if it sucks real bad–i.e. we should be grateful that the character got a movie, no matter the quality. It’s a rationale that is guaranteed to make Tom go ballistic.

August Derlethed: Also known as V.C. Andrewed or TuPaced, the practice of a dead artist’s work being produced long after the artist has died, usually by another artist coming in to finish or flesh out partial pieces at the behest of that artist’s estate. Named for the relatively talentless publisher of Arkham House, who not only ghoulishly lived off stories he ‘collaborated on’ with by then dead H.P. Lovecraft, but wrote a series of short story collections featuring Solar Pons, a bald faced Sherlock Holmes imitation.

B-Hyphen: The Hip-Hop identity of sometimes guest-host Kelen Conley, and the composer of the BITD theme song. Visit the B-Hyphen website…HERE

BITD Autopsy: A recurring feature of the series, BITD Autopsy takes a look at a failed or failing show or movie franchise and takes them apart, looking to find a reason why it failed.

Bruce Campbell: A Great, Great Man, and one of Tom and Derrick’s favorite actors, who briefly served as official spokesman for BITD.

The Bugs Bunny Line: The moment, usually during season four or five, where a sitcom loses all touch with reality. The characters become caricatures, and the plots suddenly start to indulge in surreal stunts. Named for the moment when, on Night Court, Judge Harry passed judgement on The Coyote from the Warners Brothers cartoon.

The Caruso Box: The state of career limbo that certain actors end up in after leaving a hit television series prematurely. Named for David Caruso, who left NYPD Blue for a movie career that died stillborn. Tom and Derrick speculate that the present inhabitant of The Caruso Box is Christopher Eccholson.

The Caucasian Wankery Network: The CW, known for how quickly it divested itself from all black programming after the merger. It is a source of particular frustration for Tom and Derrick (see Veronica Mars, Cancellation Of; Smallville, The General Suckiness of; Melrose Place, What Did They Do To)

The Carey Mulligan Road: A path by which a European actor or actress moves to Hollywood after an initial burst of fame on British television only to disappear totally, emerging only when she or he becomes thorough generic and interchangeable. Named for the British actress who captivated audiences as the sexy and reluctant adventuress Sally Sparrow in the Doctor Who episode “Blink”, earned an Academy Award nomination….and then became indistinguishable from many other actresses in films like Wall Street 2.

Crazy Babysitter Twins: The popular nickname for Electra and Elisa Avellian, super-hot Venezuelan actresses and nieces to Robert Rodriguez. The subject of a movie script Tom and Derrick keep insisting they’re going to write where they endeavor to save their uncle–naturally played by Danny Treijo.

Director’s Court: A recurring feature on the show, where Tom and Derrick evaluates the work of a particular director, passing judgment on whether they’re still culturally relevant or not.

Fan-Wank: An episode of a television series that does something like casting an actor with geek cred in an inconsequential role or featuring a fan favorite character solely to get the fans to shut up about the series’ shortcomings and mewl like fat, happy babies (see Smallville, The General Suckiness of)

The First Family: Dread Media host and sometimes guest-host Des Reddick, his wife Megan and their two children. They are the first full family to be confirmed as loyal listeners of the show. The Desmond children call out the official BITD Slogan at the end of the BITD theme song.

Get To The Fucking Monkey: Inspired by the Australian folk comedy group Tripod’s song “King Kong.” A tendency to delay the payoff of a film or television series to an extraordinary degree.

Go See That Movie!: The official slogan of BITD

A Great, Great Man: Someone both Tom and Derrick are fans of. The greater the number of ‘greats’, the bigger a fan they are of the person cited.

Has Had Enough Of Your Shit: Representing the measure of a character or an artist’s toughness, this phrase is used to indicate how he will not accept any back talk. Similarly, a description of the point where a character cannot take any more of the twists and setbacks a script has put before him.

The Hottie Growl: The strange, subvocal noise Derrick makes whenever a woman he finds sexy is mentioned.

J.T. Krul: A comic book writer and official Better In The Dark Great, Great Man who once went out of his way to make sure that Tom was not injured in London when someone hacked into his Facebook account to con money out of people. This even though he did not know Tom save for some fan e-mail. We highly recommend you read his work, because a) he’s a stand-up guy and b) he’s a kick-ass writer. The man for whom The J.T. Krul Stand-Up Guy Award is named.

The Jennifer Garner Road: A reference, coined by Kelen Conley, to the way actresses originally known for genre roles end up making generic romantic comedies. Named after the actress who went from being the lead in Alias to starring in dreck such as Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Tom worries that Kristen Bell is walking down this road.

The Just Go With It School: A particular style of action movies, especially American, which forgoes any sort of rationalization, justification or characterization that might get in the way of the action.

Kristen Bell: The actress, perhaps best known for the television series Veronica Mars (and, lately, a series of extremely risible rom-coms) who is Tom’s particular obsession. Present tradition is for the hosts to pause after the mentioning of her name.

Lil’ Blade: A miniature version of Blade, the blaxploitation-influenced vampire hunter that is BITD’s official mascot. Created in episode 75 after Tom recounted a story about being asked to write a book about Blade’s teenaged adventures. Lil’ Blade lives alongside such similarly kid-ified version of blaxploitation icons as Coffy, Truck Turner and Wille as part of a fictitious Fox kid’s show called Lil’ Blaxploitationville.

The List: A list of personages who have produced work so obnoxious that Tom has pledged to kick their asses. Originated in episode forty-six after he survived Quarentine.

The Lobdell Effect: Similar to The Bugs Bunny Line, the moment when a television series becomes so mired in the mythology and the fantastic elements of the show that any aspects that grounded the show in reality gets shunted off. Named for Scott Lobdell, the comics writer who wrote the X-Men in the 90’s and phased out all the human elements until only mutants were left.

The Mary Jane Syndrome: A situation where the significant other of a movie’s hero or heroine is portrayed in such a loathsome way that you can’t understand why he or she is with him or her. Also applied when a later character is introduced that is far more appropriate for the hero/heroine, but the hero/heroine insists on staying with that first character. Inspired by Kirstin Dunst’s mind-numbingly Seattle-grunge-aspiring-poet portrayal of Mary Jane Watson in the Spider Man films.

The Mort Weisenger Superman Effect: A situation in long-running television series where new elements are added to the point where the central character of the show are no longer unique. Named after the famously tyrannical DC Comics editor who added so many Kryptonians to the cast of Superman that his title of ‘The Last Son of Krypton’ became laughable.

Movie Executive Kermit: A character originated on episode 114, Movie Executive Kermit is a puppet of the production companies who will greenlight anything without putting any though into how the proposed project could or should be made. Noteworthy for the way it runs back and forth along the boardroom shouting ‘Yaaaaaaaah’ after settling on an ill-starred project.

Ours (Theirs) Is A Proper Love: A homosexual relationship that is not clearly stated in a film.

Pam Greir: The legendary blaxploitation icon who appeared in any number of magnificent action movies throughout the 70’s and is Derrick’s particular obsession. And the coolest thing about her? She’s still amazingly hot in her 60’s, even with an ill-fitting fat suit on (see Smallville, Overall Suckiness Of).

Patricia: Derrick’s wife, who is frequently mentioned on the show.

Punchy-Punchy-Run-Run: An extended action or chase scene (or a combination of both) designed to hide the fact that there’s not enough story to make a film feature length. The extreme of this is, of course, Modesty Blaise, the 1966 adventure starring a transvestite claiming to be Monica Vitti, which is nothing but Punchy-Punchy-Run-Run.

Shippers: A group of fans who not only believe, but insist that the male and female lead of any television series must hook up. They have ruined many a show, and should be avoided.

Timothy Daltoned: the situation where a popular franchise is either ended prematurely or put into a lengthy period of suspended animation due to circumstances beyond the producer’s control. Named after how the third Dalton James Bond film called Property of A Lady self-destructed when a lawsuit brought by MGM delayed production for five years.

Tom’s Five Minutes: A moment in the podcast where Tom, so blinded by righteous rage at some insane filmic item or behavior, is given five minutes with which to get his angry feelings about said item or behavior. For a prime example, download the seminal episode ten, when Tom vents his frustration over Heroes.

Wubbie: A wife, girlfriend or significant other.

You Can Love Your Characters, But You Can’t Looooooove Your Characters: the tendency of some writers, directors and producers to so fall in love with their characters that they either make them nigh-invincible (see Green Lantern, Geoff Johns’ Portrayal Of); make their character arc so effortless there is no suspense, danger or complication on the path; or force the story to revolve around them even when they’re a supporting character (see Chloe, Smallville’s Use Of).


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